This is how you take a motherfucker down

I usually call a dude "Buttface" before I get my eyes scratched, but if I were a bad-ass this is how it'd be.

...No more skoolbuks

Jonathan Hickman is quickly adding his name to my "Authors I Fucking Love". He is currently the author of "Secret Warriors", which is Nick Fury's secret band of ragtag, young heroes going heads-up against Norman Osborn. You have seen some of his writing in my previous posts involving "recoil" and "self love of cloning".


Anyway, Hickman has written books such as Red Mass For Mars, which is about a civilization-ending alien invasion which occurs after the pinnacle of humanity; The Nightly News, which is about men that follow The Voice, a voice that tries to defy social brainwashing from media the school system etc; Transhuman, which is about the advent of genetic manipulation and the creation of human stagnation; and Pax Romana, which describes what happens when you send enhanced military mercenaries to Rome in the time of Constantine in order to strengthen religion.

Strong shit, folks. If you ain't reading Twilight, then you teenage girls need to read this shit.

PS - He will be writing the Fantastic Four after the Mark Millar run. SWEET BALLS.

Nevermind Morrisey...

This is a charming man.

Things to do before I die #117

Hit a demon in the face with a stick.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here are your Guardians of your Galaxy

Captain Britain and MI-13: Best book out right now?

YES.

Captain Britain and MI-13 is a book about Britain, pure and simple. Basically, it is about a team of Brit superheroes that work for an intelligence sector (MI-13) that is involved with taking care of all the supernatural heebie jeebies of Britain. It is by far the best comic book out right now. It has humor, action, and an airtight way of story and plot. The travesty of the whole book is that it is being cancelled very shortly.

So's not to spoil anything, I just want to say that if there has every been a beautifully drawn and phenomenally written comic, it is Captain Britain and MI-13. Try and download buy the issues and try and catch this before they do the injustice of cancelling it.

PS: Blade appears in the comic. You know there are gonna be a shitload of goddamn vampires dying.

PPS:
BLADE IS BRITISH.

Reed Richards:

MAN. GENIUS.


BITCH.

Jesus Christ, In the Name of the Gun

I'm totally serious.

So, this comic book starts off with Jesus waking up in Heaven being told that God, his father, wants to see him. Jesus is a little pissed because his dad is a bit of a flake and he is pretty nonchalant about all the ailments of the world, such as the Holocaust and Pol Pot. God ends up leaving for his recurring trip that last for a century or so. Jesus orders an angel to arrange another virgin birth in Russia circa 1910. Around 1939, well...
Let's recap. Jesus didn't just walk on water. He RAN up a dude's piss stream, kicked him in the grill Guile-style, and said, "Blood of the lamb, motherfucker."

After infiltrating a rally where Hitler was doing a speech, Jesus tried to take him out with a sniper rifle, he eyed a hooded sniper on the next building who ended up popping Hitler in the head. After being chased by the Nazis thinking that Jesus was the shooter, he gets his hands on the mystery sniper, who turns out to be none other than:



Motherfucking Ernest Hemingway! Eventually, a Nazi knocks out Jesus and a tank shoots Ernest Hemingway in the chest. To be continued.

If you walk away with nothing from this, at least remember that nobody fucks with the Jesus!

"Eat TuSpock cookies!"

Thanks to Sasquatch for this ridunkulous clip from the Conan O'Brien Jimmy Fallon Show. Fo' sho'.

Lesbian butt sex is all fun and games until rats eat your baby

Fury Sez:

Any thoughts about clones?

It's only gay if you like it.

Nerds: Set Boners to "Wow"

I saw the new Star Trek last night. My friend ended up buying tickets for the god damn 9:55PM showing, but guess what? The movie was so bad-ass that I wouldn't have minded if I went to a 1AM showing.

What made the movie so good? The casting, man. The actors didn't make a mockery of the characters by doing lame Priceline Negotiator impersonations or anything like that. Chris Pine did nothing that was reminiscent of James Kirk; Syler from Heroes played a terrific, as well as emotional Spock that liked to whip on motherfuckers.

Congratulations, Abrahms. I won't complain about you this round.

Oh, yeah, that Asian dude that can't find the restaurant with the mini burgers kicked a dude in the stomach, too. Man, if that ain't bad-ass, I don't know what is...


OK, maybe this is more bad-ass.

Jack of the Fables: Natural Leader

Jack of Fables

Now that I'm caught up with The Punisher, I'm on to catching up with Jack of Fables. Fables is a phenomenal comic written by Bill Willingham about fairy tale characters living in the real (Mundy) world. Jack of Fables is a spin-off of that book. Jack is the guy from Jack and the Beanstalk, Jack Frost, Jack O'Lantern, and many others. He is a fucking scheming prick that gets out of every shitty mishap that he gets into. He also has a great post-coital way with the babes:

Jack is probably my favorite vulgar character, with a close second being Pinnochio.


Currently, there is a Fables crossover involving Jack of Fables, Fables, and a new book called The Literals. I am trying to fly through the Jack books so I can catch up. It's a blast, though, because it has a shitload of B-List fairy tales and characters from nursery rhymes. Great stuff, folks.

Remember Colchester, indeed!